What’s one positive trait you’ve gained because of BPD?
Last Updated: 19.06.2025 00:25
I don,t even have a pension.
.I left my 2 sons and my husband to do it. Instead of spending the day with them
The only way to get rid of it forgood ,is sommence therapy,
I was 9 years of age.
As is all addictions, people can’t leave off.
She was in good health!
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I had hoped to write a book about this .
I of course replied” arh beautiful!
One cannot hold on to bitterness.
Why do you allow your cat to lie in bed with you?
I am a twin , my twin is a boy called Alan. I had a sister and 2 other brothers
She loved him until the end.
Comes on , in middle age.
Why are you a Muslim? Why is it Islam for you and not something else?
She was deluded, and thought she could stay on for the reminder of the holiday!
Im kind ,and give many things, inc money ,to any of persons in need. I have a groups of homeless beggars ..i help out daily. They all know me by name!
I know ,a lot about trauma.
She wouldn,t have been !
It was going to be , some day.
I did write a poem about him though, and my mum.
What's the most trivial thing that ever made you go to the doctor?
Trauma never leaves you! Its actually lives in the fashia ,of the body .The connective tissue.
We didn’t no it wasn;t normal life..we were isolated, and taken from Dublin in Ireland ,where our whole mothers family lived , to Liverpool in England!
We wern’t close any more, the family fractured, after my Mothers death, and seeing me annoyed them ,as i was the familys scapegoat..
What does it mean when you dream that your mother died?
Put me off passion for life!!
Thats was my nicest nick name for him
I forgave my father, and i took care of him ,until his death in 1999..my mum left us on the 29th Jan 1998.
Why is dating so frustrating and difficult for a guy?
Its like, taking poison, and hoping the other person will die.
And don,t forget my 4 months alone, in the incubator. Knowing my brother in the womb and my mother voice .The baby knows she’s alone!
Took her away on holiday ,with us, my 2 pugs her dog, a Jack Russell.
What was your first trans experience like?
She got all dolled up, but it looked as she was dressed up to play the part of , Florence Nightingale ,as she descended down the cottage stairs ,like a Queen.
She was a women, a mother with her own children!.
They look at me amazed ,and ask me how i could possibly know it?
But i am married 43 years to my husband this July !
I will be 64.
So i became my fathers slave and he hated me the most.
What are some cool confidence hacks?
I could never make a relationship work though!
So he went home with my mum to her 2 other children.
Why do we forgive? Because if we don,t
Is it true that all men want a woman who looks like an Instagram “model”?
I write beautiful poetry .
But there where , these other acts only us 2 girls, would receive, (When id have rather had his lump hammer , and chisel.).
She died at 55 of colon cancer.
What is something brutally honest that needs to be said?
Anyway ,i could never hold on to a relationship.
Even in the coal hole, i said the lines in my head..
So, i spoilt her more .
How do I run away? I'm 15 and live in Oklahoma.
I worked then as a chef ,and a very good one.
My dad was a alcholic psychopath, and violent in the extreme.
But it has taught me many things other people will , never know!
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As she had lost her son ,to fatty liver disease!
As i gave and gave ,everything to people, they began to use me.
But he said ,he was sick of her anyway ,and only put up with her as i had a friend ,and seemed to be happy.
We were not on the streets..
I wasn’t taught any boundries, our home ,was like any war zone , and Dad told us, he had bodies buried, under the floor boards.
And, all my friends down the years ,where users.
Why did i forgive my father ?
We could never speak unless he spoke to us!
She died young (from the stress and abuse of Big T Trauma) of liver cancer!
BPD only comes to a person who has suffered childhood trauma.
And as she herself ,wasn’t kissed or touched as a child.
Stress hormones Adrenaline and Cortosol ,would have flooded my brain, and they never left it!!!!
And i lived it daily.
Insight, and i can spot a wrongin from 3 miles away.
Ive learnt so much.
For him, I cleaned and cooked and shopped, and spent the whole day, doing a weeks work) in the only day off, i had, besides Sunday.)
But ive been too sick for many years..
Her first husband, had been a gay man ,and he was a lovely person.
He’d sit me down, and stand behind the chair, Then he’d make a great show of his beauty (the chesil )and place it behind my neck ,at the base!
But my sister and my other 3 brothers wouldn’t have come near him every again!
Youll pack your bags and leave Dorset.
I had many talking therapys , but they just don,t work.
I said to her
Its mostly always from childhood abuse .
One women pretended to my husband she wanted to see me for coffee ,and make friends.
Was to survive, this bastard.
I waited trembling.
One cannot live in the past .
He was dying to do it , i knew.
Do all the shopping, and cooking and look after all the dogs.
Due to the real legacy of trauma (B.P.D)
Its a big thing in the States for the last 25 years.
Thats being isolated in a house, locked up as a child .We never saw any people except in School and we had no relatives in Liverpool!
But i went to school ,and was locked up evey evening , until he was off out on a bender..then mum would set us free, and we,d be bouncing off the walls,
And who doesn’t know suffering?
His abuse (his own) began at 2 years of age. His mothers friend, sexually abused him, from the age of 2.
She married twice! .
At this time i had honed my heart to the same, as that of a lion and i knew i wouldn’t beg or cry ,nor plead.
A line in front of him, from the eldest to the youngest.
We all went to grammer schools
He said i reminded him of an old aunt ,who used to beat him, and when the menapause came, she was placed in a mental home and never was released ,until she died.
But im an empath, and i help lots of people.
Because , i didnt have the heart to hurt my friend.!.
I was writing from the time i was a small child.
The coal was sharp, and i usually had no underware! So my bare arse ,was cut and rossened on the coal..
I only stopped writing poetry recently, because , of my brain tumor
But people really die of the Big T Trauma!!
I forgave my father,, and in those years i cleaned and looked after him .
And as runt ,of the litter .Which of course, i actually was!
He had many friends, who didn,t know the home devil he was, for his sake ,i never enlighted them either.
And when you live in a life , of being terrified, and shocked, and permantly stressed; especially as a child born in to all this .
The same beautiful brown eyes my mother loved so much!
So whats the point in blame.
19 years ,i spent with dear old papa.
I immediatly know and see what their chidhood was. I tell them you had a awful time in childhood.
Your thinking ,but those kids would have been street wise?
He weighed in at 5 lbs .I was the second born, and i weighed 3 and a half pounds.
Especially a lifetime of it.
You’d think that being brought up for so long, in those terrible circumsatances ,i would know the ways of people ,and the world, but i wasn,t in , nor of the world .
This is how, and why children get BPD.
As his daughter ,he didn’t even think I wouldn,t do it. (Look after him)
But it wasn’t much.
This is soul school!.
My mum and dad in the seventies!
I do have abandomment issues but they come from being left alone ,without my mum, or any of my family in a incubator for 4 months.
With Catholic nuns and Church on Sundays.
When he wanted one of his lessons to be taught!
I was seconnd youngest,
I let him have the joy of his friends( that i would never know myself.!)
But, we were locked up after school.
Who then, do I blame.?
Then later on when my husband had gone to the bar..she started telling me, that they where having a affair, and that he loved her much more then me ,and other loads of visious lies.
I was very sick at this time too.
The apprentership one gets in Extreme Big T Trauma childhood is insight and extreme awarness.
I watched his eyes light up and his twisted smile rejoice, in his joy of it all.
She found it foreign!.
I suffer greatly, because of BPD..
But im a psyci anyway, and i read energy and people, .
Im a true spealist, because i study it for years .And i still do..
I ended up cooking for her, and bringing her eveywhere with us.
Trauma lives in the body, as ive explained, but it actually this that kills you in the end.
My mother wasn’t a tactile women ..only as babes could she touch us. After we grew ,she couldn,t touch any of us.
Im dying but, im not bitter.
Like some twisted love , they where addicted to each other
I only knew my twisted world , and there, is no choice for a child but to live in it. Or Die in it!
Although we always gave her a kiss on the cheek. She would shrink away from it!
And ive living now since 2005, on disablement .(Which is a pittance)
He’d bring us out ,and we would form the position .
I never cut or harmed myself..
One was a lump hammer, another was a iron chisel.
As i do to all so called friends.?
Being very nice and never wanting to say the wrong thing.
Those are used to try and block the pain, like that of my life out..
His mum and dad ,were Alcoholics!
He was a brick layer (when he worked at all) and he carried his tools around ,hanging from a money belt.
Everytime, i saw a chronically ill person in middle years.
I was scared of men, in general
I have no regrets .
He knew the spot.
My family never makes their pension either.
We were all going out this night to a fancy resteraunt.
Rather to engertic for me ,with my terrible health, but i was left to run the house, it was a Cottage in Dorset.
I did it because my mum asked me too!
Ther’s very good reasons why i was left alone.
We born here on earth , for the soul to learn , the contrast, of heaven.
Why ? because Trauma depletes the immune system.you get terribley ill , with chronic disease from all the horror ,and stress of it.
5 of us kids, and it wasn’t a big house.
You don’ t get a state one here , in England ? until your at least 67 yrs old ! Im 63.
(And it was in our own minds.)
He took out the hammer, and explained again, how the smallest tap ,of this hammer would kill me in a second.
He did pay me though, i made him (.After i’d trudged miles to get his pension ) Before ,it all was gone, over the pubs counter!
I might have to go back 30 generations or more..
Then he’ d take out his beloved lump hammer ,show it to the kids.
Yes, a stroke or heart attack is the reason on your death certificate.
Anyway, i told my husband ,and he was gobsmacked.
They are buried together, in the same grave..
Im constanly in a state of FLIGHT or FIGHT my whole life
What did i know ?
The only rule us 5 kids had .
That life, was meant to be , as the world teaches us great lessons, and leaves us many gifts.
I think the readers, may guess!
He said i’d end up like her, and he laughed his big rolicking bear of a laugh!
And if you hold on to hate you only die inside yourself,!
My twin will have involuntary pissed himself, but not me at least not, that day!
As i said though i will be 64 on my last birthday!
But im dying ,and its too late for me.
My place (mostly )was the coal hole..it was a small room heaped with coal .
All the time i was locked up.
He resisted the act ,that day.
It comes from Big T Trauma and is no fault of anyone who has it.
He isn,t a very sexual person at the best of times!
My life is so biszare .
Because huge Trauma like mine is alive.
Would this be the day?
Mine was extreme ,and lasted 19 years
On the 31st of Jan this month .
I got to know the terrible awful childhood, he had himself. And his Jolly Pub Persona.
I couldn’t, believe it.
I was grabbed out of my mother hung upside down, and rushed up to the prenatal ward, to spend 4 mths alone, with, only medical staff.
She stayed with him because she thought he,d grow out of it. He didn’t of course!
Although he,d calmed down a bit ..he still shouted his orders at me and thought , my older sister would be better at the job..
One of his many names for me was Runt .He like that it rhymed with (well you know)
I was the most vunerable of my siblings. I was born small ,and was sickly ,and of course none of us could ever thrive!
My familys so full of ancestral BIG T Trauma.
He call us down, from where ever he stashed each one of us ,that day ! We were kept seperate.!
Im still living with it.
Also my liver and lungs are fatally diseased!
I had offered the whole expense of the holiday to her, free.
My only sister also couldn,t make her life work.
When she asked me how she looked .
She said her life with him ,was love, and spoke to me of all the passion, it had brought her.
It will be my last birthday ,as im dying of a brain tumor and 8 other autoimune diseases.
And i know him well ,and every thing about him. This relationship, is the only real one iIve been able to keep!
Where the ultimate outsiders.
Another so called friend had bit the dust..